"Some choices have greater consequences than others. We make no greater voluntary choice in this life than the selection of a marriage partner. This decision can bring eternal happiness and joy. To find sublime fulfillment in marriage, both partners need to be fully committed to the marriage." , "Choices," Ensign, May 2004, 53
I am waiting for the moment when Heavenly Father's will and my will are one.
I am at the point in my life where I know what I want. I've experienced a lot. I know there are still some things I have yet to experience. Scratch that, there are a lot of things I have yet to experience.
Right now, my heart is so heavy. It legitimately takes a metaphorical crane to lift my tender emotions out of bed every morning. I have to coo to my screaming heart each night as if its a newborn, inconsolable with some unknown ailment.
When I open my heart, I leave it wide open. When someone doesn't accept this offering, it leaves me broken. Shattered. It leaves me feeling like half a person, unworthy of the recipient's love. Silly girl, I am, thinking this would work. That it could work.
Will it be like this forever?
There have been times when someone has asked me out, but I know it was wrong. Then there have been times when I desperately, with every inch of my spirit, want something to work out with a boy, but Heavenly Father knew it was wrong.
What I'm waiting for is when what Heavenly Father wants for me and what I want for me are one.
"We will become of one heart and one mind as we individually place the Savior at the center of our lives and follow those He has commissioned to lead us." , "Come to Zion," Ensign, Nov. 2008, 38
Will it ever happen?
I love love. I always have.
When I like someone, it's not just a crush. It's something big for me. I love easily. It comes naturally to me. To want someone to take care of, to want someone to love me, to want someone to love. Someone to share everything with. I am so capable of loving someone so much, if only they'd give me the chance.
Maybe I'm too desperate for this.
Maybe I'm just a sucker for love.
I just know my heart is open to it. So ready for it. Ready for my next big adventure.
'Two individuals approaching the marriage altar must realize that to attain the happy marriage which they hope for they must know that marriage . . . means sacrifice, sharing, and even a reduction of some personal liberties. It means long, hard economizing. It means children who bring with them financial burdens, service burdens, care and worry burdens; but also it means the deepest and sweetest emotions of all' (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Spencer W. Kimball [2006], 194).
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